GANGSTA GRANDMA

BIRTH RIGHTS

2009-08-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

Sunday again. It's been another good week. This week I got to play mini-geek for a friend who was having problems with her computer. I wasn't able to fix her problem , but I told her I believed she needed a new modem. Since she works she asked me if I would come back to be in her apartment when the computer technician came. I did that two days later. He checked and said, "You need a new modem." I felt a little brilliant for a few moments.

While I was waiting for him to arrive I got a good start on GANG LEADER FOR A DAY by Sudhir Venkatesh. I plan on spending my evening with the same book. The author, while in grad school studying for his degree in sociology, befriended a gang leader and spent years learning about the poor black community and drug dealing from the inside out. Oddly enough in the last six years, I have had a similar experience, only mine has been to live in the "hood" and listen to the mothers, girlfriends, and addicts. I have written letters to judges for mothers whose sons were about to be sentenced, and written letters for a woman who fell in love with a dealer who is still serving time, although he's due to be released n February.

I have shared with those on the street, and sat with them elbow to elbow at the local soup kitchen. There have been moments when I was the only white person in a room or on the street. I have heard the anguish and I have had it directed at me. I have comforted and been comforted by the same people. I have confronted young boys with guns in their pockets and I have received the nodding head salute of their superiors. I learned to wear my hat sideways and walk erect with energy on the street, no matter how I felt that day. I learned to project strength until that strength came to live inside me.

I learned to love fried chicken and collard greens and why people will spend their last few dollars on lottery tickets. I learned to pause and share a hug on the street. I know what it is to have lost a friend because he was beaten to death, and what it is to hear gunfire and back away from the window.

From the time I was a child, I saw no difference between races, other than some people have very different features and skin tones are different. I have understood without ever being told that we are all spirits having a physical experience of life. My ancestry is mixed; I am both Caucasian and Native American. I've always leaned toward my Native ancestry in habits and beliefs, but recently I became grateful that I was born White in America. Having seen how real the oppression is in this country for those born poor and Black, I can only shake my head and then bow it in appreciation. I have had many rough experiences in life, but I had them as a White woman' For as long as I can dress well and hold my head up, there are far more options for me in life than for my Black sisters. We live in the same neighborhood, but in two different worlds.

VARIATION OF A DREAM COME TRUE

2009-06-13T01:31:00.000-07:00

What can I give to those yet to be born
But the words I have now
Cherish
Respect
Treasure
Those are words I would send on to them
Wishing I could live several lifetimes
To cradle the babies
To dry the tears of heartache
They are words that came to me
From the grandmothers who lived before me
They are the words to buffer our spirits
Against the harsher realities in life
The words we walk the meaning to
Whispering them to one another
At just the right moments
Assuring the continuation
Of the sanity of love
No matter what occurs
From one generation to another
Cherish
Respect
Treasure

(C) 2009 Beth NoLastName

VARIATION OF A DREAM COME TRUE

2009-06-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

Neither one of my grandmothers colored their hair. They didn't wear make up. They wore dresses always. They both had front porches with rocking chairs. They had homes with pantries and stair banisters that I could slide down. They were respected by their husbands and adored by their sons. By the time they were my age, they were old.

And here I sit, looking out my internet window. My front porch holds the entire world. My chair doesn't rock, it rolls. My grandchildren aren't related to me by blood, but they are mine, nonetheless.

I always wanted to be a grandma.

GANGSTA'S FINE WITH ME

2009-06-07T11:53:00.000-07:00

I used to say I was an gangsta as Tinkerbell, but I doubt that's true any longer. I have my own definition of gangsta, which might not fit with the norm, but it's what I have experienced and what I can agree with.

I'm different. I'm not willing to settle for the status quo, not for me...not for my "kids". I want better than what I see around me. I want to be a part of changing what I see around me. It matters less to me if you love me or like me than it does if you respect me. Respect I will have...or I won't relate. I don't mind being hated. It's worth the price to be true to myself.

I have "attitude". If you don't like my attitude, tell it to someone else. I'm not interested in hearing what you don't like. If you don't "get me" then chances are you have fallen for the Big Lie and are still hoping to get to heaven by way of Hollywood. I don't bother with that stuff. I live right now...right here.

Sometimes I'm angry, and don't wanna hear you telling me anger is not a good thing. Anger is a feeling like any other! Of course I get angry! I live in a country that is supposed to have freedom of speech, but if I say a word that offends someone who has more money than I do, or is in a more influential position than I am, I am the one who pays. I am criticized and censored. For what? Speaking my mind? Eyebrows raise at times as I speak my truth. "You aren't supposed to say that aloud!" Why not? If it's the truth, who is it going to hurt? You would condemn me if I used drugs, but then you tell me to live in denial without them? The land of denial is not for me! There's no future at all there!

I live straight, but I live in a neighborhood where drugs are sold, so it is assumed that I use drugs, or if I manage my finances well, that I sell them! Attitudes like mine build better neighborhoods and communities. Attitudes like yours create and maintain ghettos.

I care about the people who live around me. I don't intrude on their lives. I respect their boundaries and ask that they respect mine. Some deal with life differently than I do. As long as they don't tell me how to live, I practice live and let live. I'm not responsible to solve their problems. I just care about them as people.

I am friendly to the people I like. I let the rest go. I acknowledge them if spoken to. I'm not running for office. It doesn't matter if they don't notice me. I simply want to go about my business each day with as little hassle as possible. If we can get along well and even laugh, that is fine. If not, there is no reason to worry about it or them.

So, yeah, I guess I am gangsta. From what I have seen of the world around me, it's not a bad attitude at all to hold...especially in a urban setting.

GG

GANGSTA GRANDMA

2009-05-30T06:03:00.000-07:00

White woman on Perry Street
Hey Auntie You straight
Straight longer 'n you've been alive
And your mama too
Hey Baby Waz zup
My age that's what
Old enough to be your grandma
Lady from the suburbs
Gives me a ride home
I tell her I live in the richest part of the city
Kids on my block carry rolls larger 'n their fists
Drug route a better profit than newspapers
Hop on your bike
Ride around the corner and hand the man in the car
A little bag
Beats carrying a sack full of shit that's heavy
Kids on my block are the news
They don't pedal papers
They fill their pages from front to obit
That ain't no water pistol, Mister
Walk tall or don't walk at all
At least not on Perry Street
Doing time means you got stupid
The next kid'll take your spot
Leave the money in a safe
So it takes more time for someone to get it
'Cuz you know in your gut
Ain't no one can be trusted
It's one for all and all for none
On Perry Street
Wanna' be a hero
Get dead
They hang a sheet out with your name on it
And wear their colors
Mama dressed in black
Your friends in red
They talk about cha for a day or two
Maybe even take down the guy that got you
And then it's business as usual
On Perry Street

© 2006 Beth NoLastName